Gloopers
by ScorpioGirl1987
Summary: Glee bloopers throughout the series! Canon pairings. Characters might be OOC. Craziness and randomness ensues!
1. Season 1

**So, I've seen a lot of fanfics in different fandoms for this, so I'm doing one for Glee! I can't think up enough bloopers for each episode to warrant a chapter to themselves, so one chapter per season. **

**I do not own Glee. I only own the bloopers.**

"Speed...marker."

"Como se yamma...coma...como se llamadamadingdong." Will laughed along with the crew. "I'm sorry."

XX

Figgins sat at his desk listening to Will. Will finished saying his line, but Figgins doesn't respond. "I'm sorry, what's my line again?"

XX

"I think the club expects us to become a couple." Rachel said to Finn. "You the hot male lead and I the star."

Finn just stood there. "Uh...I can't remember my line." Everyone laughs.

XX

"Saved you the first roll." Puck smirked and patted the porta-potty. Finn was about to open the door when they heard a tinkling noise.

"...I really hope he's going in the toilet." Finn said simply. Everyone laughed.

XXX

"Wait." Kurt shoves his book bag into someone's chest and looks around at them. "One day...I will remember my line." Everyone laughed.

XX

Finn and Quinn hold a balloon between their bodies and grinded for a while but nothing happened.

"Um..." Finn and Quinn started to chuckle. "Nothing's happening!" They laughed louder.

"CUT!"

(Take 2)

Finn and Quinn grind with the balloon between them. The balloon pops and Quinn bursts out laughing. "Sorry!"

(Take 3)

The balloon pops. "Finn!" Quinn shrieks while laughing. "Sorry!"

XXX

"'Who is Josh Groban- fuck yourself!" Sandy snickers and walks off-camera. Everyone laughs.

XX

"Will?" Terri walks into the room, laughs, covers her mouth, and backs out.

"Cut!"

XX

Ken grabs Puck by the shirt, then laughs.

(Take 2)

Ken grabs Puck by the shirt. "Listen, you literal motherpucker. My relationship is hanging by a thread!"

"Oh my God. Can we do one take without fucking it up?" The director threw his hands up in frustration.

XXX

Finn cringed in pain, hopped up, ran into a bench and danced around a little. His towel comes off and everyone groans.

XXX

Puck, Matt, and Mike carry Artie in his wheelchair up the stairs of the auditorium. Mike slips and drops the chair. The boys laugh.

"That could have ended badly." Artie commented.

XXX

Rachel is leaning over Puck, who is on a chair with his head tilted back.

"Hold on a fucking second..." Puck turned his head and coughed.

XXX

"_She dumps like a truck, truck, truck-" _Will sang that line and slipped on Emma's train and fell to the ground taking Emma with him. Emma laughed hysterically.

XXX

Burt picks up the phone. "Hello? Who's this?"

"STOP BREAKING THE LAW, ASSHOLE!"

Burt stares at the phone in disbelief. "What the actual...?"

(Take 2)

"Hello? Who's this?"

"You die in seven days..." An eerie voice whispered, then hung up.

(Take 3)

"Hello? Who's this?"

Instead of forming actual words, the caller made an "Ooohh-aaahhhhh" noise, gasped slowly and raspily, then hung up.

"Ooh, wow. That was the best prank call ever. Let's give the guy a medal!" Burt said sarcastically. The crew laughed.

XX

Rachel tried leaning her chair back and ended up tumbling to the ground. "Oh, fuck! Why'd you guys give me this wheelchair?" The crew laughed.

XXX

"_My first love/ You're every-" _Rachel opened her mouth and let out a burp, covered her mouth in embarrassment, snickered, and leaned her head down on the piano. Everyone laughs.

XX

Russel turns off the boom box and glared at Finn, who stood where he was nervously. Russel stands close and looks up at him angrily, then laughs. Everyone followed.

XX

Finn and Rachel jump on their respective mattresses. They accidentally jumped off, bumped into each other, and fell down.

"We're okay!"

XX

Artie is bounced on a mattress. The people surrounding him jumped too close and tripped over Artie and each other.

"Cut!"

XX

Quinn accidentally kicks Kurt in the nads. Kurt had to bite his lip hard to keep from screaming in pain. After the number, Quinn turned to Kurt apologetically.

"Um...Kurt? I'm so sorry. Are you okay?" She asked reaching out a hand.

Kurt pointed one finger at her and gasped. "Don't...come...near me." He groaned loudly and whimpers. Two paramedics came running with a stretcher and an ice pack.

"Nice job, Quinn." Santana said rolling her eyes.

XX

Will witheld the pregnancy pad looking angry. "Pick up your shirt."

"No."

Will threw the pad onto the counter, knocking a few things over, then laughs.

XXX

"I'm done with you!" Finn yelled and pointed to Quinn. He scrunches his eyes closed, and clenched his fists up to his forehead. "I hope you step on a lego!" He threw his hands out in frustration and runs from the room.

XXX

"_A chair is still a chair...even when there's no one sitting...the..." _Kurt let out a huge yawn. "Sorry."

XXX

Rachel closes her locker and turns to see Jesse staring angrily at her. "I don't know my line." He and Rachel chuckled.

XXX

Sue turns around to see a strange woman she's never seen before.

"WHERE'S YOUR HONOR, DIRTBAG? YOU'RE AN ABSOLUTE DISGRACE!"

Sue stares at the woman and continues sipping her coffee. "My mama always says crazy is as crazy does."

"...You guys are weird." The director said simply. "Cut!"

XXX

"I'm totally gonna kill this assignment." Kurt said to Mercedes. He wasn't looking where he was going, and bumped into the doorframe. He stumbled back and rubbed his forehead. "I'm okay."

XXX

"Rachel, I think you lost your voice." Will said. Rachel gave him a horrified look.

Kurt started giggling uncontrollably. Rachel glared at him. "It's not funny, Kurt."

Kurt tried containing his laughter, but couldn't. His laughter came out loud and uncontrollable. He gasped for breath and laughed harder.

"Hey, shut up!" Rachel shouted, her voice cracking. Kurt continued laughing. Everyone gave him strange looks. Rachel scowled, grabbed a guitar, and started whacking Kurt with it. "TAKE THAT! AND THIS! AND THAT!"

"AAH! SOMEBODY HELP ME!" Kurt cried out.

XXX

Rachel was about to sing her line in I Dreamed A Dream, when she hiccupped. She laughed. "Sorry!"

XXX

Artie just stared at Tina. "Uh...what's my line again?"

XXX

"Rachel, didn't you have something you wanted to say?" Will asked.

Rachel stared for a minute. "Uh...I forgot." Everyone including Rachel laughed.

XXX

Finn turned to where Rachel would enter the auditorium. The spotlight shone on the door, but it remains closed.

"Uhhh, guys, this door is stuck! I can't open it!" Rachel called from behind.

Finn ran around and rammed the door open. The door slammed into Rachel knocking her unconscious. "Aw, fuck."

"Cut! Medic!"

XXX

"My baby is having a daughter!" Judy cried to a nurse.

Quinn immediately stopped her wheelchair. "...Wait..." Everyone laughed. "That works! Can we keep that?"

XXX

Quinn leaned forward, clutching the sides of the bed, and screamed. She then turned her head and coughed loudly in her elbow. "Sorry...sorry."

XXX

"And cut! That's a wrap, people!" The director clapped his hands and turned to the cameraman. "Did you get all that?"

"Sure did!" The cameraman said proudly.

The director noticed something on the camera. "Um, what is that?"

"Oh, it's the camera lens!" The cameraman answered. "I kept it on the camera so I won't lose it."

"You mean it's been on the whole time?" The director asked in shock.

"Yep!"

The director started freaking out. He screamed in frustration and ran around pulling at his hair.

"...Hoo boy, this is gonna take a while..." Rachel commented.

XXX

Mike pulled the camera towards him. "I love working on Glee. It's fun!"

**Season two bloopers coming...as soon as I finish rewatching season two. Lol Let me know what you think!**


	2. Season 2

"You know what, Jacob? It doesn't take that much courage to park their cottage cheese behind their baracola..." Kurt snickers.

(Take 2)

"It doesn't take that much courage to park their cottage cheese behind their banocula...aah! Why can't I say it?!" Kurt groaned in frustration while everyone else laughed.

XX

Burt lay unconscious in the hospital bed. He then sneezed. "Sorry...sorry."

"Cut!"

XXX

Rachel rushes through the choir room towards Mercedes and Kurt. "Ladies, we have a problem."

"Lady?!" Kurt exclaimed, miffed.

Ignoring Kurt, Rachel continued. "There's this new girl in school..." She trailed off into giggles. "I'm sorry. I was enjoying the joke."

XXX

_'Happy days are here agaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiii-'_

Kurt let out a loud fart. Rachel shrieked, grabbed her nose, and ran off. Everyone except Kurt laughs. Kurt blushes with embarrassment. "Excuse me."

XXX

"Oh, Brad, let's get out of here. I'm cold, wet, and just plain scared!" Rachel said frantically.

"I'm here. There's nothing to worry about." Finn replied.

Mercedes comes down in an elevator. Rachel screams in fright and faints. Mercedes tries to open the door, but can't. She tried kicking it open, but it was still stuck. Finn tried pulling on it but to no avail.

"GET ME OUT OF HERE!" Mercedes screamed. She started crying.

"Yeesh. And people think _I'm _overdramatic!" Rachel commented.

XXX

"Excuse me, can I ask you something?" Kurt asked a boy in a blazer.

"I'm Harry Potter." Blaine replied, then laughed.

Kurt chuckled. "Why hello, Harry. I'm Ginny Weasley. Ron's dumb sister." They laughed.

XXX

"Well, guess what, hamcock: you're not my type." Kurt said angrily.

Karofsky snickers. "You said 'cock'."

Kurt snickered and groaned. "Why do I keep mispronouncing words? Hamhock. Hamhock..." everyone laughed.

XXX

Karofsky shoves Kurt against a locker. "What is your problem?!" Kurt shouted.

Instead of speaking real sentances, Karofsky made a "Dorrraaaagghhhh!" Noise, glared at Kurt, waved his arms menacently, and walked off.

Kurt just stared in dismay. "What the actual...?"

XXX

Burt pins Karofsky against a wall.

"What the hell?" Karofsky exclaimed. Burt just snorted and burst out laughing.

(Take 2)

"What the hell?"

"Where...is...the bomb?" Burt asked icily. Then bursts out laughing. "Sorry! Couldn't help myself!"

XXX

Becky pulled Sue and the huge bag of debris on the wagon. The wagon gave out and sent Sue and the bag tumbling to the ground. Sue laughed hysterically.

"Can we keep that? That'd be great karma!"

XXX

"Do you think it's too much to sing to someone on Valentines Day?" Blaine asked Kurt.

"Yes, you filthy heathen!" Kurt gasped in horror and glared at Blaine in disgust. "Keep your filthy PDA to yourself!" Kurt turned and folded his arms. After a minute, he smiled and turned back around. "Nah, I'm just kidding. It's not."

XXX

Artie clapped the erasers and coughed when the dust got in his throat. "Water! Water!"

XXX

_'Don't you want me, baby?'_ Blaine and Rachel sang together. They jumped up and down. Blaine jumped down on Rachel's feet causing her to scream in pain. Rachel bopped Blaine on the head with the mic.

XX

Rachel marched over to Blaine. "Hey, Rachel." Rachel kissed Blaine, who looked shocked.

"Uh...what was my line again?" He asked. They laughed.

"'Yep. I'm gay!'" Someone yelled from behind the camera.

XXX

Blaine stands up a little to give Kurt a kiss and lets out a loud fart. They laugh.

"Oh, way to ruin the moment!" Kurt exclaimed.

XXX

"Where is everybody? Let's get on with it!" Sandy yelled, shaking his shoulders.

Blaine threw a shoe at him. "YOU'RE A DISGRACE TO THE GAY COMMUNITY!"

"Yeesh, Blaine, calm down!" Kurt cried in shock.

XXX

"My doctor said I can't do any vigorous choreography while my nose heals, so thank you for your patience." Rachel said. "And Finn, next time...don't go breaking my nose!"

Everyone laughed at the irony.

XXX

Finn and Rachel watch and wait for someone to come out of Sam's motel room.

"Oh, the door's opening." Rachel said, raising her binoculars. Finn raised his camera. Out comes...

"Blaine?!" Finn said in shock. He then grew angry. "Why that cheating gay ho bag! I oughta kick the crap out of him for cheating on Kurt!"

"It must be some diabolical plan of his!" Rachel exclaimed. "He's trying to sabotage our chances for Nationals!"

"...But we're not competing against them..."

"Whatever!"

(Take 2)

"Oh, the door's opening!" Rachel and Finn pay close attention. Out comes...

"Wait- Karofsky?" Finn gasped. Karofsky and Sam kiss. "Wait- Karofsky's gay? Didn't see that coming."

"Hmm. Wonder if Kurt knows." Rachel wondered.

"Nah, he doesn't." Finn shook his head and smiled.

"How do you know?"

"Because he would've outed him already. Especially after threatening his life!" Finn exclaimed. "That's what I would've done!"

Rachel just stared at Finn. "Okay...A) Kurt is way too much of a gentleman to do that. And B) I really hope you won't be viciously bullied by closeted homosexuals, then."

"But with that ammunition..."

Rachel scoffed and shook her head. "Let's just go. And you better not say anything about both Karofsky and Sam being gay!"

"Fine..." Finn folded his arms and pouted.

"Um...you do know you're driving, right?" Rachel asked.

"Oh. Yeah..."

XXX

"I came back to make amends." Jesse said to Rachel. He tried sitting on top of a seat, but fell backwards over it.

Rachel burst out laughing, then stifled it. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine..."

XXX

"You do know that song is sung by a girl, right?" Jesse asked Kurt.

"Um...so were Like a Virgin, Like A Prayer, and Rolling in the Deep and you sung those songs." Kurt pointed out.

"BUUURRRRN!" Mercedes and Santana exclaimed and laughed.

"Uh...yeah, well...I didn't sing those in competitions, so there!" Jesse said, folding his arms.

"Oh, well, in that case..." Kurt said sarcastically and left.

XXX

_'I love New York...' _

Rachel, Lauren, and Tina dance together, but Lauren slips, falls, and brings the two girls with her. They yell out in fright and land in the fountain with a loud splash. Everyone else laughed.

XXX

**Well, I'm definitely updating this earlier than I thought. Next chapter might be longer (than the first one. XD).**


	3. Season 3

Kurt dances to We Got The Beat on a table, slips, and twists his foot painfully. He cries out in pain. "GOD FUCKING DAMMIT!"

"Cut! Medic!"  
XXX

"What happened to you, Quinn?" Shelby asked in dismay. "Oh, wait- I know what happened to you: the same thing that happened to me when I happened to Rachel..." She laughs as she realized she messed up her line. "Sorry."

XXX

"Oh, yeah, he's even more impressive in the flesh." Kurt tried to sit on the chair, but fell. "Okay, seriously- what the crap?"

Sebastian and Blaine laughed. Kurt got up and glared at the two. Blaine cleared his throat. "Are you okay?"

"Fine." Kurt grumbled.

"Cut! Let's try that again..."

XXX

"So, what was your first time like?" Artie asked Blaine and Rachel.

Blaine and Rachel looked shocked at that question. Before they could speak, Blaine let out a burp, then a fart. Rachel groaned in disgust and held her nose. "Goddammit! Is this gonna happen every damn year?!" Blaine just giggled.

XXX

Santana sees Finn whisper something to Rachel, and jumps down glaring at Finn. "What the hell did you say to her?!"

"What?"

"Did you tell her, too?" Santana demanded.

"No, I said Hawaiin pizza is the best pizza ever!" Finn replied.

"Um...I don't think that's the line..." Rachel commented.

(Take 2)

"Did you tell her, too?" Santana demanded.

"No, I said that Twilight sucks." Finn replied. Santana gasped in horror and slapped Finn.

XXX

While Finn is giving his speech to Santana, Santana is whispering to Brittany. "Hey, I have an idea: let's ask the now outed lesbian what she thinks. Santana, anything you wanna add here?"

XXX

"We're gonna lose, Kurt. And I can't do a thing about it!" Blaine vented. "Every time I open my mouth, Finn gives me this look like 'What does he think he's doing?'. I know what I'm doing!"

"Hey, killer." Sebastian greeted.

Blaine whirled around and pointed at Sebastian angrily. "I know what I'm doing!"

Sebastian just stared at Blaine weirdly. "Good for you..."

XXX

Kurt and Blaine sing Let It Snow and dance in front of the fireplace. Blaine tripped over the brick landing with a yelp and fell to the ground.

"I'm okay..."

XXX

Will walked onto the water and fell into the pool. He resurfaced coughing and gasping for air.

XXX

"But it wouldn't be as much fun as you suffering the agony of defeat." Kurt said. He tossed the tape to Sebastian.

"Now get the hell out of my auditorium. School's out!" Artie yelled. Sebastian stood up and left the auditorium.

"Hey, don't I get a say in this?" Blaine exclaimed. No one answered. "Why do I always end up with these warped people?! Shouldn't somebody ask what the brave gay pirate wants to do?"

XXX

Kurt slides on a chair and it topples over. Everyone laughs.

"...Okay, that hurt..."

XXX

"Ladies and gays...as my gift to you- which you do not deserve- I give you Porcelain's famous brother-" Sue began.

"Finn's famous?" Brittany asked in a deadpan.

"No wonder he freaked out about that blackmail photo!" Sugar exclaimed.

"...Goddammit, you two." Artie muttered.

"Wait- Kurt has a brother? Since when?" Asked Sam.

"Since like a year and a half ago." Finn rolled his eyes.

XXX

"Ooh, the cardigan's coming off." Cooper joked and chuckled lightly.

_**Blaine:  
Dark in the city, night is a wire  
Steam in the subway, earth is a fire  
(Both: Do do do do do do do dodo dododo dodo)**_

Cooper:  
Woman, you want me, give me a sign  
And catch my breathing even closer behind  
(Both: Do do do do do do do dodo dododo dodo)

Blaine and Cooper:  
Her name is Rio and she dances on the sand  
(Cooper: Smell like I sound!)  
Just like that river twisting through a dusty land

Blaine trips Cooper on purpose sending the man to the ground. Cooper glared at Blaine and swung-kicked him to the ground.

_**(Cooper: Straddle the line!)  
And when she shines she really shows you all she can  
(Cooper: Mouth is alive!)  
Oh Rio, Rio dance across the Rio Grande **_

Blaine jumped up and punched Cooper to the ground. Cooper jumped up and body-slammed Blaine out of the way.

_**Blaine:  
Hungry like the wolf, Hungry like the wolf, Hungry like the wolf**_

Cooper and Blaine with New Directions:  
(Blaine: Don't make a sound!)  
Her name is Rio she don't need to understand  
(Cooper with New Directions: Smell like I sound!)  
And I might find her if I'm looking like I can

Cooper runs up the steps and stands on a chair, but it collapses under him, sending him tumbling to the ground. Kurt and Mercedes gasped and checked to see if he was okay. Blaine chuckled triumphantly, ran to the piano to jump on it, but it turns out that the piano was actually a large, standing cutout. Blaine held his hands out to prevent falling too hard.

_**(Cooper with New Directions: Straddle the line!)  
Rio, Rio hear them shout across the land  
(Cooper with New Directions: Mouth is alive!)  
From mountains in the north down to the Rio Grande  
(Cooper: Burning the ground Ohhhh)  
Her name is Rio she don't need to understand**_

Cooper pushes Blaine away again. Blaine glares at him and pulls on a rope. A five hundred pound anvil dropped on Cooper's head. Cooper stood up clumsily and shook his head.

_**(New Directions: Smell like I sound!)  
From mountains in the north down to the Rio Grande  
Fightin' the ground! **_

XXX

"I was really great in that number." Cooper sighed and tried to ruffle Blaine's hair, but ends up accidentally poking him in the eye. "Oh! Ooh. Sorry! Are you okay?"

"You know what- why don't I just wear a freaking eye patch for the rest of my damn life?!" Blaine groaned and rubbed his eye.

XXX

"Push! Push!" Artie encouraged Quinn, who was trying to wheel herself up the ramp.

Quinn grunted as she pushed the wheel. She slipped and the wheelchair wheeled backwards down the ramp. Quinn screamed as she slammed against a wall. "...I'm okay!"

"Good thing she's already in a wheelchair!" Artie quipped and laughed.

XXX

"Now, I don't want you guys to go cray cray, but..."

The girls and Kurt screamed and ran to tackle Cooper to the ground. Blaine gets knocked over in the process.

"Oh my God! Really?!" Blaine shrieked.

(Take 2)

"Now, I don't want you to go all cray cray, but since you're my brother's class, you guys are so nice-"

Rory snorted and chuckled at that. Everyone stared at him. "Problem, Irish?"

"Just that that was kind of ironic." Rory stated.

(Take 3)

"I brought along slides- industry term- for a little show I auditioned for last week...called 'NCIS'." Cooper pulled out the slides.

Just then, the door to the choir room slammed open, and a group of FBI agents swarmed in guns blazing.

"Gotcha, Caffrey!" One of them shouted as he grabbed Cooper's shoulder. "You think you can hide behind a bunch of whiny high-schoolers?!" He handcuffed Cooper.

"No. Wait! This is a misunderstanding! I'm not this Caffrey person!" Cooper exclaimed. "I'm Cooper Anderson. I'm in the Free Credit Rating commercials!"

"Yeah, right! Tell it to the judge!" The FBI agents led him towards the door.

"Tell them I'm your brother, Blaine!" Cooper yelled frantically.

Blaine stood up and watched in shock as his brother was lead out. He put his hands over his mouth. 'Crap...how will I explain this to Mom and Dad?'

To Blaine's astonishment, everyone burst into applause. "What...?"

"Amazing acting!" Mercedes exclaimed.

"Even more amazing delivery!" Rachel said, clapping. "It was almost like it was real!"

"It's kind of awesome that those FBI guys agreed to help." Finn nodded.

"Uh...guys?" Blaine said.

"Those guns looked authentic, too." Puck noticed.

"Guys, I don't think he was acting..." Blaine commented.

Santana rolled her eyes. "Wow, Max Goof. Jealous, much?"

"Dude, jealousy is not an attractive trait." Finn stated. "You should be supportive of his acting and be respectful."

"You mean like you were supportive and respectful when I joined New Directions?" Blaine asked. "Oh wait..."

"Yeah! See? You get it." Finn smiled.

Blaine sighed in frustration and covered his face in his hands. "Un-freaking-believable."

XXX

Blaine sullenly walks down the hallway. Someone stops him. "Hey, I know you! Aren't you...?"

Blaine turned around and smiled. "Yeah. Blaine."

"Cooper's brother! Oh, he is rad!" The girl turned around and walked off.

Blaine growled and punched a locker. He yelled out in pain. "GOD!"

XXX

Kurt pokes a stuffed dog around the side of Blaine's locker. "Hello-"

Blaine yelled out and slammed the locker door on Kurt accidentally. Kurt yelled out in pain and slumped to the ground. He groaned and sat up. "Overreact, much?"

Blaine winced. "Sorry."

XXX

"Coop, you're my brother! Can't you just support me?" Blaine yelled.

Cooper gasped. "Why you selfish bastard! I have had your back since day one!"

"Oh really? Then where were you when I got beaten half to death after that Sadie Hawkins dance? Where were you when I had to have eye surgery?" Blaine argued back. "You care about nobody but yourself!"

That did it. Cooper shoved Blaine hard. Blaine stumbled back, glared at Cooper, then tackled him to the ground and started punching him. Cooper threw Blaine off. They rolled around a few times before Puck, Finn, Kurt, and Sam jumped up to pull them apart. Will came in between them.

"Hey, hey! Come on, guys, break it up!" Will cried spreading his arms out. "Come on. You two are brothers! You shouldn't fight like this."

"Mr. Schue, brothers fight all the freaking time. It's in their nature." Santana remarked.

"Yeah, that's true." Finn nodded. Sam, Rory, and Mike all nodded in agreement.

Will just stared at everyone. "Well...they still shouldn't fight..."

XXX

"Even though we don't live in the same town or see each other often...we're not just brothers, right? We're boyfriends..." Cooper trailed off laughing. Blaine laughed with him. "Sorry!"

(Take 2)

"We're not just brothers, right? We're...fuck!" Cooper laughed.

XXX

"First of all, you-you don't know that. Second of all, screw..." Blaine moved his arm, but for some reason, couldn't say his line.

"'Optimus prime.'" Cooper whispered.

Blaine trembled, his lip quivered, and tears sprang to his eyes. "I CAN'T SAY IT!" He dropped to the floor, curled up into a fetal position and rocked himself back and forth. Cooper groaned and smacked his forehead.

XXX

"Kurt Hummel, Mercedes Jones." Unique greeted, she tripped and fell. "A little help here."

XXX

_'All of the ghouls come out to play_

_Every demon wants his pound of flesh-'_

"DEMONS? WHERE?!" Sam and Dean Winchester from Supernatural burst into the room with rock salt guns.

"Wrong show, guys!" The director shouted.

XXX

"Come on! Stand up! Stand the hell up!" Finn yelled angrily at Quinn.

"STAAAND! COME ON, STAAAND! STAND, YOU'RE GONNA RUN AGAIN!" The Warblers randomly appeared and started singing. Finn glared and took out a gun and started shooting the Warblers one by one. "AAH! RUN! COME ON, RUUUN!"

XXX

"Okay, seriously? Haven't we broken up enough times already?" Rachel asked in disgust.

"What are you talking about?" Kurt asked.

"According to the script, Finn breaks up with me." Rachel sighed. Kurt laughs. Rachel glares at him. "Read your script, Kurt!"

Kurt reads his script, and frowns. "HEY!"

"And scene!" The director shouted.

"CURSE YOU, GLEE WRITERS!" Kurt screamed and raised his fists to the heavens.

**I'll post the season 4 bloopers after the finale. Until then, this fic is on hiatus.**


	4. Season 4

"Kick 'em up. Higher! Higher! Come on, higher!" Cassie barked at her class.

Rachel kicked her leg so high, she ripped her tights. She covered her backside, chuckled in embarrassment, blushed, and sided off screen.

XXX

"Hey, are you the gee club?" Marley went up to the table, tray in hand. She laughed and walked off. "Sorry!"

(Take 2)

"Hi, I'm Glee club!" Marley snorted and burst out laughing. "I'm so sorry!"

XXX

_It's time to begin, isn't it?_

_I get a little bit bigger, but then I'll admit_

_I'm just the same as I was_

Blaine did the cup game with the Cheerios, but the cup flew out of his hands. He laughed.

XXX

Unique sat next to Blaine and leaned towards him. "Make no mistake. Unique will be the new Rachel."

"...Dude. You _just_ transferred here!" Blaine exclaimed.

"So? You 'just transferred' here last year, and you freaking upstaged Finn!" Unique shot back.

"Not on purpose!" Blaine argued.

XXX

"That was extremely rude and inappropriate!" Kurt yelled to Jake.

"Hey! Who is the director here? Me or you?" Will glared at Kurt.

"You." Kurt replied. "Unfortunately..." He muttered darkly.

XXX

"Maybe you should move out. Find another roommate." Kurt suggested over the phone.

Rachel scoffed. "Yeah."

"Turn around."

Rachel turned to see Kurt smiling and waving at her. She smiled and they ran to each other's arms so hard, they fell over. Rachel shrieked. They both laughed.

"That was graceful." Kurt said sarcastically.

XXX

_If I was your boyfriend-_

Blaine swung his foot out and it hit Artie's wheelchair hard. "AAAAH! FUCK!" He fell the the ground clutching his toe. Everyone else laughed.

XXX

Marley and Jake sing Crazy/(U Drive Me) Crazy. Marley danced a little and fell over the bleachers. She quickly stood and held up a finger.

"I meant to do that." She said.

XXX

Rachel pedaled her bike around the apartment. She made a sharp turn, then fell off. She groaned loudly. "That's it! No more wheels unless they're on a bus, train, or car!" Everyone else laughed.

XXX

Blaine is sitting on his couch in a wife beater and sweatpants. He is watching Days of Our Lives while eating chocolates.

"Hey, sorry, I didn't know if you'd answer my call." Will on Days was saying.

"Will. I will _always_ pick up your call." Sonny said on the TV, smiling.

"LIAR!" Blaine yelled and threw the box of chocolates at the screen.

XXX

"...So, what bow tie should I wear tomorrow? I have narrowed it down to five." Blaine pulled out five bow ties.

"Oh, bow ties are your signature. Whatever you choose will be fine." Kurt said dismissively. He went on talking about his video. Blaine tried in vain to get his attention until he couldn't take it any more.

"SEBASTIAN RAPED ME AND NOW I HAVE AIDS!" Blaine yelled.

"Hmm that's great, honey." Kurt said not paying attention. "Anyway, ooh- Rachel, what do you think?"

Rachel just stared at Kurt in shock and horror. "Um...Kurt? Did you hear what Blaine just said?"

"Yeah, he said that..." Kurt's eyes widened and he paled. He slowly turned to the laptop screen. "WHAT?!"

"Relax, Kurt. I only said that 'cause you weren't paying attention to me." Blaine admitted.

"...Oh. Okay. Anyway..." Kurt went on talking about his life and ignoring Blaine.

XXX

"I'm going to get our trophy back." Blaine declared. "The one you haven't noticed is gone."

Finn glanced at the empty trophy case. "This is where we put the trophy, right?"

"Yes..." Blaine said slowly.

"Well, then where's the trophy? Blaine, where's the trophy? Somebody stole our trophy?!" Finn was starting to panic.

"Whoa, hey, calm down." Blaine said.

"I _am _calmed down! SOMEBODY STOLE OUR TR-" Finn doubled over into a panic attack.

Blaine's eyes widened. "Whoa! Finn!" He pulled him upright. "Take it easy. Taaake it easy."

XXX

"_Motherfu-" _Kurt doubled over laughing.

XXX

"Package for Kurnt Hummel- FUCK, sorry!" Blaine smiled sheepishly. Everyone laughed.

XXX

"You're a barista! You don't think!" Hunter yelled. "There are six things a barista should know. One of them is sugar is in the yellow packets, and splenda...is in...the brown!" He paused. "Wait..." People started laughing. "Oh, goddammit..."

XXX

Blaine tried on his santa pants and turned to observe it. "Hey, do these pants make my butt look big?"

"Yep. Bigger than Millie's." Sam joked. He froze as he felt a gun against his head.

"Take. It back. Now." Marley seethed in a dangerously low voice.

"Okay. I'm sorry. I take it back!" Sam exclaimed.

XXX

Blaine coughs into his arm and enters his room. He stopped when he saw Tina dressed like Potiphar's wife. "Um...Tina? What are you doing?"

"Come and lie with me, love." Tina said seductively.

"CUT!" The director yelled. "Tina, what the hell?"

"What? I figured since you want me to rape Blaine, might as well have fun with it." Tina shrugged.

"I don't want you to rape Blaine. I just want you to rub vapo-rub on his chest!" The director exclaimed.

"While he's unconscious and after I straddle him." Tina pointed out.

"Can we just get this the hell over with?" The director asked, frustrated. "Go change into your real costume."

"Yeah, and make it quick- I took sleeping pills." Blaine replied.

"Why the hell did you do that?!"

"Because I wanted to really be unconscious when you have Tina rape me." Blaine said simply.

"OH MY GOD! SHE IS NOT GOING TO RAPE YOU!" The director yelled. "But, hey, if you want her to rape you, she'll rape you."

Tina rolled her eyes and stood. "I'll go change." She walked off. Blaine already fell asleep against the doorframe and started snoring lightly.

XXX

Tina straddled Blaine and grabbed the vapo-rub. Music from the song Potiphar from Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat started playing. Tina giggled.

The director just threw up his hands in frustration.

XXX

Becky was not happy with being the flower girl. She tossed out the flowers, fumbled and almost dropped the basket, then threw it on the ground. "Fuck this shit. I'm out." She stormed out.

XXX

"Ooh. Do it again! Do it again!" Kurt encouraged Adam.

"Welcome..." Adam turned dramatically. "to Bushwick Abbey." He and Kurt burst out laughing. "I'm sorry! I couldn't resist!"

XXX

Finn walked out of the bathroom trying to look intimidating, but snickered. "Sorry." He ducked back into the bathroom.

XX

"Stay away from my future wife!" Finn demanded. He stood up, stormed off, and tried to kick the mini-fridge, but missed. Everyone laughed.

XXX

"You two love each other right?" Burt asked Blaine.

"Yes."

"You guys are soulmates?"

"Yes!"

"You wanna hold him?"

"Yes!"

"Please him?"

"Yes!"

"Then you GOTTA GOTTA TRY A LITTLE TENDERNE-ESS!" Burt sang, dancing a little.

"HEY! THAT IS MY SONG, YOU ASSHOLE!" Mercedes yelled, glaring at Burt.

XXX

"It's me!" Marley stood up to stop the drama. "I. Am. Batman." Everyone laughed. Marley pointed to someone offstage. "He put me up to it!"

(Take 2)

"It's me!" Marley stood up. "I...am the thirteenth doctor."

(Take 3)

"I...am A." Marley declared. Everyone laughed.

(Take 4)

"I am the black smoke monster." Marley laughed and sat down.

(Take 5)

"I am...the greatest star." Marley began to sing. "I am by far!" Suddenly, Marley fell to the ground with a tranq dart sticking out of her neck. Everyone turned to see Kurt holding a tranquilizer gun. "Bitch stole my song." He said simply.

"MARLEY!" Jake cried. He started running after Kurt, waving a crowbar.

Blaine took off after Jake, carrying a cinder block. "JAKE! DON'T YOU DARE HURT MY EX-BOYFRIEND!"

(Take 6)

"I am..." Marley unzipped her suit and pulled it off revealing Rachel. "Rachel Berry."

Everyone gasped. Jake smiled. "Cool. I've been making out with an older woman."

"No, you haven't..." Rachel walked over and pulled Jake's mask off. "Puck!"

"Whoa..." Ryder just stared.

"Why are you, shocked..." Puck walked over to Ryder and pulled off his mask. "Finn?"

"Okay, this is just too weird." Wade said. He stood up and pulled off his mask revealing Mercedes.

"Well, this is inevitable." Blaine stated. He tore off his body suit revealing Kurt.

"Wow, looks like all the grads hijacked everyone elses' bodies." Kitty stood up and pulled off her mask revealing Santana.

"...Okay, seriously, enough." Will said. "Where are the real New Directions?"

In a place far away, the real Marley, Jake, Kitty, Wade, Ryder, and Blaine are all tied to a train track.

"Well, this is a fine predicament." Jake muttered darkly.

"Don't worry- we'll figure this out!" Blaine said optimistically.

"And we all thought we were going to die in a shooting." Marley said simply.

"These tracks are abandoned, anyway. No train is coming." Wade assured them. Just as he said that, they felt the tracks vibrate slightly. They turned to their right and saw smoke from a far distance.

Kitty turned to Wade and glared at him. "I hate you."

XXX

"And cut! That's a wrap for the season!" The director called. Everyone except Kurt applauded.

"Yay! Time to grow out my beard!" Blaine exclaimed excitedly.

"Great. Two more years of me not reacting to stuff." Kurt said bitterly. "Why am I now a background character? If I remember correctly, I was a main character!"

"How do you think I feel?" Tina asked.


End file.
